


Specter

by HighStriker



Category: Green Lantern - All Media Types, The Flash - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Character Death, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-28
Updated: 2019-01-28
Packaged: 2019-10-18 01:21:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17571605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HighStriker/pseuds/HighStriker
Summary: Hal finally has what he's longed for, but at what cost? He knows what Barry and Iris had together, and he can't help but struggle to reconcile their past and his present.





	Specter

**Author's Note:**

> This doesn't follow any strict canon, just takes bits and pieces from various versions of the characters that I'm familiar with. Along with a whole lot of changes.

With a frustrated groan Hal yanked at the sorry excuse for a knot he’d just attempted with his tie.

Even on good occasions he hated wearing the damn things, and today was definitely not going to be a good one.

His second attempt was somehow even worse, and with a silent curse he yanked the silk tie from around his collar, crumpled it into a ball and hurled it as hard as he could across the room.

Not even that went according to plan though, and the lousy tie unfurled, landing on the floor just a couple feet away instead of hitting the far wall with a nice loud thud. It definitely wasn’t the most realistic expectation, and he could just picture Barry raising an unimpressed eyebrow with a silent — yet deafening — look that just screamed, “What did you expect?”

He cursed himself again for the millionth time since last night.

When he’d gotten back early from his latest mission there had only been one thing on his mind, and that was seeing Barry. Even better, it was a rare opportunity to _surprise_ Barry. Because it turns out that it’s ridiculously hard to surprise someone who can see the world around them not just in slow motion, but as if everything is literally frozen in time.

Then Barry had walked in carrying a large bouquet of flowers, which had surprised Hal as much as Hal had surprised Barry. And of course Hal had opened his big fat mouth and shoved his feet so far in that he was pretty sure they had to be coming out of his ass.

All because he’d been so focused on seeing Barry that he’d never considered the date, and — no fucking shit — of course the flowers weren’t for him.

Things had gotten so awkward, both fumbling to explain but also to brush it off, and none of it helped, and then Barry had asked if he wanted to come along this morning, and like a complete imbecile Hal had said yes. 

A glance at his clock showed he had only a few minutes left to get ready. If it was anything else he’d have been comfortable adding at least an extra fifteen minutes — because it turns out that not even super-speed can keep Barry from being late — but Barry would never be late for this.

So with a few muttered curses he stalked over to the tie, swiped it up with one last curse and gave a third go at tying it.

 

— § —

 

It had taken another six tries, and even in the end the damn tie wasn’t the right length, so he’d given up and just thrown his bomber jacket on to cover it even though it was way too nice a day for a coat.

Of course the sun is out, shining bright and cheery as ever with a brilliant blue sky and not a cloud in sight. At least Gotham would have had the courtesy to be dark and rainy for an occasion like this.

But not even the weather was going to be giving him a break, so he just stood back sweltering uncomfortably as he watched Barry with Wally solemnly rearrange the bouquet.

Purple irises and white tulips — always her favorite — and he’s pretty sure he recalls Barry telling him they stood for faith and true love when Iris had recruited them to help put the centerpieces together for the wedding. Whatever their symbolism, Hal knew they were her favorite. He’d certainly seen Barry buying them often enough over the years.

A quiet sob breaks him out of his thoughts and brings him back to the moment.

It’s from Wally, not Barry, and that’s comforting for a brief moment before the inevitable guilt follows that thought.

 

_Iris West-Allen_

 

The perfectly engraved letters taunt him, and he hates himself for thinking that too.

But he feels like an intruder. 

He shouldn’t be here. Not when he feels like a thief trying to steal them from her. Not when his happiness is only possible without her there.

And that’s the crux of it really. He’s never been so happy in his entire life. For the first time since losing his father he’s actually felt whole again. The last four months have been an unimaginable bliss that he had never thought he deserved, let alone something that he’d get the chance to experience for himself.

All made possible courtesy Eobard Thawne.

How could that not make him feel guilty? He had seen the crime scene. The body. Her blood.

It had been everywhere. He’d held onto Barry, the speedster hadn’t been able to control his vibrating, and Hal could still remember the way it had made the skin on his arms burn to not let go. But he had held on, lost in his own way as he rocked Barry ever so gently from where they had crumpled to the floor.

He had finally wept hours later, after J’onn had taken mercy and used his powers to help Barry stop vibrating and then to sleep. He hadn’t been able to think clearly enough at the time to know where Clark had taken them. But he remembered standing over a sink and staring in horror at the blood on his arms. Her blood, and that it had been on Barry too. He had frantically scrubbed the burned skin to get it off.

That was the cost of his happiness, and it made him feel like a monster to be standing at her grave now, five years later.

He ignored the sweat beading its way down his back as he stood at attention, staring silently at the sight of Barry on his knees holding Wally tight in his arms in front of the ornate headstone.

Faith and true love.

Never in his life had he seen that so clearly exemplified than he had between Barry and Iris.

Iris had beaten him to Barry by thirteen months. Nine of which Barry had spent in a coma. As the stories went, she had fallen head over heels for him on their second date. Hal didn’t doubt that for a minute, not when she had solemnly confided in him that she had visited Barry every single day of those nine months and hoped with all her heart that he’d wake up and come back to her.

Only three months into the relationship, and she had already been willing to wait all those months for him. It was impressive to say the least, when the doctors hadn’t expected Barry to ever wake up.

Hal had met the Flash just over a month after Barry had defied all expectations. They had both been new to the superhero gig at the time, both so eager to have a new friend and ally to fight against their respective rogues. The world back then was almost unrecognizable now.

He’d fallen in love with Barry almost just as fast as Iris, although it had naturally taken him years to figure that out.

Hal had revealed his identity to the Flash after their third team up, taking out a couple measly bank robbers. That was the first of many times that he had made Barry facepalm. But Barry had still taken off the cowl of his suit and returned the favor. They had been best friends in both lives ever since.

That had been back before they had met Bruce, or known that Batman was even real. They hadn’t been nearly as paranoid about their identities as they would all become in the years that followed. It had only taken Barry a couple weeks longer before he had told Iris. Largely because their relationship was quickly returning to a more intimate level, with the excuse of recovering from his coma only working for so long, and Barry hadn’t been sure how to explain his sudden six-pack abs. Or the far more embarrassing dilemma that he had confessed to Hal: that with his powers being so new to him that he couldn’t always keep his body from vibrating when he got excited. Hal had clarified that Barry really meant ‘aroused,’ and the speedster’s beet red face had been a clear affirmative.

As bad a liar as Barry was, it had been the right call to tell her. She had instantly realized exactly who Hal was when Barry introduced them to one another. That night Iris had grabbed the collar of his jacket, pulled him close and made him swear to her that he would always watch Barry’s back. It had been the easiest promise Hal had ever made.

From there Hal had watched the two grow closer and closer.

Barry took to describing her as the love of his life. The gushing could get a little sickeningly over the top at times, but there was such an endearing, genuine sweetness to it that not even Bruce could muster the resolve to tell Barry to take it down a notch. Of course Barry was also the only person that could have ever gotten away with calling _the_ _Batman_ “Bats” so there was definitely a soft spot of some sort there as well. Hal had been a tiny bit envious, because all he ever got from Bruce were glares.

Then one night he’d gotten home from an offworld mission to find that Barry had literally paced a hole into his carpet. It had taken almost an hour to get Barry to sit down and talk in a voice slow enough for Hal to comprehend. In the end, Barry had just held out the engagement ring, and suddenly their next mission was underway: creating the perfect proposal for Iris.

Hal can still picture the carnival. Supposedly recruited to take photos, he suspected Barry really wanted the moral support.

Barry was certainly brimming with energy, and Hal knew the Flash well enough to be able to tell that it was taking every last shred of resolve the speedster had to keep from vibrating until they actually took their seat of the Ferris wheel. Iris had certainly caught on to how unnaturally still Barry had suddenly gotten.

They never told anyone what exactly Barry said up there, but he’d been close enough — floating as discretely as possible in the air — to see both their eyes welling up with tears, the biggest smiles he’d ever seen in his life, and it was the one and only time he’d ever seen Iris speechless. She hadn’t been able to do anything except frantically nod her head.

Barry was so ecstatic that he’d taken off running the second they got back to the ground — turns out he’d taken a lap around the world — before returning two seconds later with smoke coming off his shoes as he lifted Iris into the air, spinning her around at what was thankfully a humanly attainable speed.

It was funny, Hal supposed — in a sort of tragically comedic way — that the highest highs so often led to the lowest lows.

He wasn’t supposed to watch his best friend sacrifice himself to save the world.

It shouldn’t have taken losing Barry to realize the depth of his own feelings.

Telling Iris had nearly broken his will. He’d broken his promise. Not that she had seen it that way. Disgusted with himself, he’d made a new promise to be there for her, for Barry’s sake.

He stuck around Central. They watched the city mourn and the Flash Museum planned and built in what had to be record time for a government project. Keeping the rogues in check gave him ample opportunities to work out his aggression. And the rest of the time was spent listening to Iris, mostly about Barry.

Seven months passed, then Barry was back, he began calling Iris his lightning rod, and they learned about the existence of the Speed Force. Hal’s still confident that no one in the League understands it at all. Not even the Guardians had known of it.

The world just kept changing.

His eyes pass back to the headstone, tracing the letters of her name, and the two dates listed just below.

That’s part of the problem.

When his dad died, death was permanent. Those two little dates were set in stone.

Now there was magic, inexplicable science, time travel, and god knew what else. Some deaths could be reversed, undone, and others couldn’t. There was no way to ever know. Mourning was different, because how could any of them extinguish that tiniest spark of hope that they might get their loved ones back?

Iris _could_ come back, if not today then at any point in the future. If she did, how could Hal ever bring himself to stand in their way? How could he not, if that meant losing Barry?

He _knows_ he can’t turn this into a competition with a woman that’s not even alive. It would be so horribly wrong and unfair to all three of them, and a self-fulfilling prophecy where he’d certainly end up driving Barry away.

That’s why it’s so wrong for him to be here with them. Witnessing their grief, and hating himself for wondering if they’re thinking that she might come back to them someday.

It’s not much longer before Barry and Wally are back to their feet, although it’s felt like an eternity that Hal’s been lost in his memories. He stays silent as Barry whispers something into Wally’s ear, there’s a nod in return, and then Wally gives both Barry and Hal quick hugs before vanishing with nothing but a gust of wind in the younger speedsters wake.

Barry’s eyes are as wet as Hal was expecting when they’re left alone. In fact, Hal feels like a knife is being twisted in his gut because Barry looks almost guilty.

Before he can open his mouth, Barry is at his side, taking his arm and walking away with their elbows hooked together. There’s a quiet “thank you” whispered in his ear, followed by an even more gentle “I love you” that eases some of the tension in his body.

It doesn’t last quite as long as he likes when he realizes they’re not walking towards the exit. 

A few minutes later he finds himself in front of another headstone, and that’s when he realizes Barry is still holding a few more flowers.

This stop is shorter, at least for Hal.

 

_Nora and Henry Allen_

 

He stares at the names, while Barry quickly switches the wilting flowers with the fresh ones. Then there’s a subtle blur around his edges, and Hal can only wonder how far into relative time Barry is slipping. The few seconds he stands there could be stretching into minutes, hours, or even days.

This is a pain Hal knows all too well. The more familiar ‘terrain’ gives him enough confidence to rest his hand on Barry’s shoulder. The slight vibrating isn’t enough to hurt, and he wishes he could tell from that alone just how long they’ve been standing here from Barry’s perspective.

A few more seconds tick by, and then Barry’s nestling against his side. Hal holds him tightly as they start walking towards the entrance of the cemetery.

 

— § —

 

It’s quiet when they get back to Barry’s place.

There’s not much talking aside from Barry telling him that Wally is spending the night in Gotham with Dick. 

Hal’s still busy struggling with all of his insecurities — it’s hard to focus on anything else — so he’s not really sure who turns the TV on or how he ends up sitting on the couch with Barry’s head resting on his lap as he idly runs his fingers the speedster’s soft blond hair.

“I’m sorry.”

Hal almost misses it entirely, because it’s barely a whisper, and while he’s not paying any attention to the TV it’s still on.

“Don’t…” he starts, but he has to swallow because he’s not sure what to say, but the knife is back in his gut and the last thing he wants is for Barry to apologize for grieving over the people he’s loved and lost.

“I love her…”

It’s even quieter, but it’s deafening all the same. That Barry used the present tense has the knife plunging through his heart.

“… and I always will.”

There’s a bit of a sniffle, and he can feel some quivering in Barry’s shoulders. His own eyes are brimming with tears, and he’s not sure he’s ever been more scared in his life.

“Just like I’ll always love my mom and dad…” and suddenly Barry’s shifting a little too fast for anyone without super-speed.

Hal finds himself staring right into Barry’s eyes. They’re shimmering with unshed tears, and the bright blue irises remind him of the Blue Lanterns. He could use some hope right about now.

“I wish I could make this easier… for all of us. I just…”

That twinge of guilt is back, before Barry lets out a pained sigh and Hal doesn’t even have time to blink before Barry’s lips are pressing desperately against his own. It’s a confusing mix of comfort and misery, and Hal isn’t quite sure how to deal with even more conflicting feelings today when Barry pulls away.

“I’ll always love _you_ … No matter what happens… _Always_.”

Hal’s breath catches in his throat. There’s nothing conflicting about that. The sincerity, the conviction… 

It’s not the first time they’ve said those words, the other times were no less sincere. But all the same, this feels different to Hal. No matter how many people Barry loves, he’s not getting just a ‘piece’ of Barry’s heart. It’s all his.

 

— § —

 

He growls when the knot in his tie is crooked after his fourth attempt. It’s well past time to invest in some damn clip-ons.

Before he can yank it off, Barry is suddenly standing in front of him with a crooked grin.

Hal rolls his eyes as Barry carefully grabs both ends of the stupid tie and begins deftly twisting and pulling the fabric and miraculously tying the damn thing perfectly in under a second. Barry patting the tie after is a bit patronizing, but the blow to Hal’s ego is eased by the sweet kiss that accompanies it.

Wally’s waiting for them by the front door downstairs, flowers in hand and ready to go.

 

— § —

 

It’s still a little awkward at first. But the feeling passes quickly as he stares down at the headstone.

 

_Iris West-Allen_

 

Her name doesn’t taunt him this time around as he stands at Barry’s side while Wally ever so reverently arranges the irises and white tulips.

It’s almost hard to believe that another year has passed, and that so much more has changed. 

And yet, some things are constant.

Iris had been constant. For as long as Hal knew her, nothing had ever made her waiver.

_“These last few weeks I’ve heard a lot of people telling you how lucky you are… I just want you to know how lucky I am to have you. Barry, you are the kindest, most selfless and courageous person I have ever known. You deserve all the joy and love there is in this crazy world. Every day, every last second that I can see you smile, or hear you laugh… that is the greatest gift I could ever hope for.”_

No one had been surprised that Iris’s vows had made Barry cry. Even though Hal was still struggling with his own feelings — torn between wishing he could be the one making those vows with Barry and being utterly terrified of the very thought of it — he couldn’t help but feel happy that there was someone so completely devoted to his best friend.

Dying wouldn’t have changed a thing. She’d want Barry to be happy, and she’d want him to be loved. 

The gold band on his left, ring finger feels heavy. He’s still getting used to it being there, if he ever does, but it couldn’t make him happier. Hal likes being so aware of its presence, the constant reminder of his luck.

Their wedding had been small. Just Hal’s immediate family, and members of the Justice League gathered on a secluded beach not far from Coast City. Watching Wally walk up the aisle, escorting Dinah had taken Hal back to the first time he’d ever seen the tiny, little red-haired boy. Wally had nearly bounced his way down the aisle, proud as could be that he’d been trusted to carry Iris and Barry’s rings. This time Wally was nearly all grown up — clearly several inches taller than Dinah — but still with an overexcited bounce in his step, and still beaming with pride to be Barry’s best man.

Hal was nearly as proud of the kid — and the man Wally was becoming — as Barry was. Iris would have been as well.

Barry’s eyes had been alight with mischief as Oliver reached the end of the ceremony. Though Hal would forever deny Oliver’s claim that he had squawked when Barry slipped ever so slightly into super-speed in order to dip Hal for their first kiss as a married couple.

In all fairness he’d made a far more humiliating admission later, after his first dance with Barry under the stars and hundreds of strands of twinkling, gold lights. Because yes, Hal had taken some lessons to impress Barry, and yes he’d been inspired after an undercover mission at a Wayne Enterprise gala. And yes, he had humiliated himself and asked Bruce for help.

Still, he was rewarded with Barry doubled over from laughter. And yes, that was definitely the best gift he could hope for.

Or maybe second to having Barry’s whole heart. 

So as he stands there, at Barry and Wally’s side, he reaffirms his promise to always watch Barry’s back. He extends that to Wally as well, and makes a mental note to have Dick and Kyle make similar promises.

Then he makes a new promise. One that he’s already made to himself, and again to Barry in his vows. But he hopes Iris would appreciate him making it to her as well.

He’ll protect them as best he can. But he’ll also do everything he possibly can, with every ounce of willpower that he has, to make sure that Barry, and Wally, are always happy and loved.

Wally takes off for Gotham like last time, giving them both hugs before he takes off.

Barry loosens his tie for him, before nestling right into his side as they slowly walk back to their car. The cheery blue sky, and the warmth of the sun feels just right.

**Author's Note:**

> That's the first story I've written in nearly eight years. Hopefully you enjoyed reading it, and it wasn't difficult to follow with all the memories.
> 
> I've been reading a lot of stories recently where the canon pairing gets split up and it's all glossed over, and I just thought it might be interesting to try to explore that a little more closely.


End file.
